Some stories are too painful to follow, and this is a million of them

Some stories are too painful to follow, and this is a million of them

Women in the 1980’s accepted sexual violence as an unfortunate byproduct of a social life

Every so often it’s advisable to take a break from the news.

This occurred first in our family the morning of September 15, 2001.

Ceaseless coverage of the terror attacks in the United States eventually sent millions fleeing the reality of CNN for the comfort of the Cartoon Network – just for relief and to not feel sick.

More recently there was the disruption of the US Supreme Court confirmation process after a respected university professor accused the respected Justice Brett Kavanaugh of attacking her at a party, 36 years ago when she was 15.

She said he held her down on a bed, groped and grinded against her, and covered her mouth when she screamed.

Since Dr. Christine Blasey Ford went public with her claims she has received death threats. She can’t leave her house. When she does she is followed and afraid.

A broadcaster interviewed a panel of her peers, in a living room setting. All discredited Ford.

One opined that even if there was veracity to the story “it wasn’t like there was intercourse.” Another said: “Show me a teenage boy who hasn’t done the same thing.”

The kindest response Republican leadership managed is that Ford must be confused.

President Donald Trump suggested if the incident was so serious, she or her parents would have called the authorities.

Ford is 52.

Me too.

It’s important to appreciate that, in 1982 when Ford says this happened, the majority would not have characterized it as a crime.

The attack (allegedly) happened the same year Canada passed Bill C-127, which replaced the charge of “rape” with a broader spectrum of offenses labelled as sexual assault.

And it took a few decades to get the word out.

Women then, especially young women, were inclined to view sexual violence and intimidation as the unfortunate, albeit unavoidable, byproducts of having a social life.

Consent was a form you brought home in your binder, to be signed, so you could participate in a field trip.

In 1982 the results of my own “dating” experiences included – on separate occasions – a swollen upper lip, a splay of small bruises on the fleshy part of my arm, and a pair of shredded feet that walked bare for miles on a gravel road, having been unceremoniously dumped in the wilderness along with the rest of an unwilling anatomy.

It’s a mulish weakness – the more someone wants me to agree to something that’s not my idea, the more resistance it creates.

There was also the night I sneaked through the back door, hiding the blood on my shirt from Mom and Dad. It wasn’t my DNA. Only, when a person refuses to listen to your words it can become necessary to bite him on the face. (Facial lacerations bleed copiously. Isn’t that excellent?)

All of that is remarkable only for its complete lack of remarkableness. Ask any woman who came of age when Tom Cruise, Ralph Macchio and Rob Lowe were hot the first time around.

You didn’t talk to your parents, you didn’t tell at school, and you didn’t call the police.

You sat in your room with the door closed, on a ruffled bedspread surrounded by stuffed animals, feeling sick.

These thoughts, over the past week, were unsettling enough to require a “planes hitting the building” time-out from cable news.

Telling the whole truth, I was on CNN’s website yesterday – just peeking – and read a second woman has come forward with allegations related to a party in a university dormitory.

(Judge, the two of us should have gone to fewer parties when we were crazy kids, yes?)

There are those who sympathize with Kavanaugh, even if he’s guilty as not-charged.

These things either happened or did not happen a long time ago. Please look at and admire the life and reputation he’s built. Think of his family.

The proposed next Supreme Court Justice of the United States is now forced to defend his teenage self, and maybe consider events he hasn’t reflected on in 36 years. Regardless of how the confirmation resolves itself, this is a time he will never be able to forget, no matter how hard he tries. It will shape his future in ways he hasn’t even imagine yet.

When he turns on the TV, he probably feels sick.

Man. That’s really gotta suck.

To report a typo, email:
publisher@similkameenspotlight.com
.



andrea.demeer@similkameenspotlight.com

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

B.C's COVID-19 dashboard shows the peaks and valleys of cases prior to the record daily report of 132 on April 9, 2021. (Dashboard image)
Interior Health has record day of COVID-19 cases

132 cases reported Friday, April 9, more deaths in Vernon hospital outbreak

Environment Canada is forecasting up to 20 centimetres of snow on the Coquihalla Highway Friday, April 9, 2021. (File photo)
Snowfall warning in effect for Coquihalla Highway

Environment Canada is forecasting up to 20 cm of snow to fall on the Coquihalla Friday

The Peach is adhering to the mandatory mask protocols put in place by the Provincial Health Officer on Nov. 19. (Monique Tamminga Western News)
Interior Health doesn’t echo B.C.’s daily COVID record

80 new cases reported Thursday, April 8, compared to 91 the day prior

Restaurant patrons enjoy the weather on a patio in Vancouver, B.C., Monday, April 5, 2021. The province has suspended indoor dining at restaurants and pubs until at least April 19 in B.C. due to a spike in COVID-19 numbers. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jonathan Hayward
B.C. sets new COVID-19 daily record with 1,293 cases Thursday

New order allows workplace closures when infections found

A death at Cottonwoods Care Centre in Kelowna was reported in relation to the COVID-19 outbreak April 7. (Google Maps)
Death at Kelowna care home among Interior Health COVID numbers

91 new cases, outbreak over in one unit at Kelowna General Hospital

B.C. Health Minister Adrian Dix and Premier John Horgan describe vaccine rollout at the legislature, March 29, 2021. (B.C. government)
1,262 more COVID-19 infections in B.C. Friday, 9,574 active cases

Province’s mass vaccination reaches one million people

Two-year-old Ivy McLeod, seen here on April 9, 2021 with four-year-old sister Elena and mom Vanessa, was born with limb differences. The family, including husband/dad Sean McLeod, is looking for a family puppy that also has a limb difference. (Jenna Hauck/ Chilliwack Progress)
B.C. family looking for puppy with limb difference, just like 2-year-old Ivy

Ivy McLeod born as bilateral amputee, now her family wants to find ‘companion’ puppy for her

A vehicle that was driven through the wall of a parkade at Uptown Shopping Centre and into the nearby Walmart on April 9 was removed through another hole in the wall later that night. (Photo via Saanich Police Department and Ayush Kakkar)
Vehicle launched into B.C. Walmart removed following rescue of trapped workers

Crews cut new hole in parkade wall to remove vehicle safely

Four members with Divers for Cleaner Lakes and Oceans were out at Cultus Lake on March 28 and 29 hauling trash out of the waters. (Henry Wang)
PHOTOS: Out-of-town divers remove 100s of pounds of trash from Cultus Lake

Members of Divers for Cleaner Lakes and Oceans hauled out 470 pounds of trash over two days

As of Saturday, April 10, people born in 1961 are the latest to be eligible for a COVID-19 vaccine. (Black Press files)
B.C. residents age 60+ can now register to get their COVID-19 vaccine

Vaccine registration is now open to people born in 1961 or earlier

A new saline gargle test, made in B.C., will soon be replacing COVID-19 nasal swab tests for kids. (PHSA screenshot)
Take-home COVID-19 tests available for some B.C. students who fall ill at school

BC Children’s Hospital plans to provide 1,200 kits to Vancouver district schools this April

Ruming Jiang and his dog Chiu Chiu are doing fine following a brush with hypothermia that saw several people work together to get them out of the Fraser River near Langley’s Derby Reach Park on March 25, 2021 (Special to the Advance Times)
Man finds men who rescued him from drowning in B.C.’s Fraser River

A grateful Ruming Jiang says he will thank them again, this time in person when the pandemic ends

Winter driving conditions returned to the Coquihalla Highway on April 10. (ICBC image)
Coquihalla motorists warned of fresh snow

Five to 10 cm of snow is expected today for the mountain highway.

Tyson Ginter, 7, is proud of his latest Hot Wheels he recently received by Quesnel RCMP Const. Matt Joyce. (Photo submitted)
B.C. Mountie handing out toy cars to light up children’s faces

‘A lot of times it will be the only interaction they have with the police,’ says Const. Matt Joyce

Most Read