In news that should not surprise anyone who has ever operated a motor vehicle, or watched other people try to do the same, a new survey from ICBC says that the top three manoeuvres that B.C. drivers find most difficult are parallel parking, backing into a parking spot, and merging onto a highway.
Well, slap an “N” decal (for “No way!”) on my car and colour me not at all surprised. I’d like to say that this nugget wins the award for the week’s “Most Bleeding Obvious” news story, but that coveted prize instead goes to a news release from the Province of B.C. Headlined “Rural connectivity benefits people, economy”, the release touted a new report by BC Stats which found that “connecting underserved rural and remote communities to high-speed internet brings significant economic benefits.”
I sometimes wonder where the people who write these things live, then remember that they’re in Victoria or the Lower Mainland, where a world without high speed internet or seamless cellphone coverage is well-nigh unimaginable. That they then tout the benefits of high speed internet for remote and rural communities as if this is one of the great discoveries of our age just shows how out of touch they are with the lived reality of hundreds of thousands of British Columbians who deal with internet and connectivity issues all the time. Hands up, everyone who can rattle off every dead spot for cell service between Lytton and Ashcroft, or Cache Creek and Kamloops, or who has ever said “I’m about to lose you” during a phone call while they’re driving, because they know they're about to hit one of said dead spots.
Since we’re in the mood for awards right now, let’s hand the “Splitting Hairs” award to the US Supreme Court, which last week ruled that states that criminalize the homeless for sleeping outside are not inflicting “cruel and unusual punishment” in violation of the Eighth Amendment. Speaking for the conservative supermajority on the Supreme Court, Justice Neil Gorsuch concluded that upholding states’ rights to fine and/or imprison those who sleep outside is not actually targeting homeless people, since these laws punish “conduct” (sleeping outside) and not “status” (being homeless, and thus having to — well, sleep outside, in all too many cases).
At least the six justices who supported the majority opinion acknowledged that “homelessness is complex.” I’m sure that will be a great comfort to those who find themselves — often due to circumstances beyond their control — living on the streets, while giving an out to those who could do something to help, but don’t, because it's just too damn complex. The Supreme Court said so.
The “Sound Bite of the Week” award goes to Joe Biden who, during the debate with Donald Trump last week, said that the former president and convicted felon had “the morals of an alley cat.” Let’s see: three wives, five children, serial adultery, hush money to a porn star with whom he had a fling, found liable for sexual abuse, boasting about groping women: sounds about right, although a bit hard on alley cats, in my view.
Finally, I’ll go back to that ICBC survey and present the “You Do The Math” award to those B.C. drivers who were asked how they would rate their own driving skills, and how they would rate the driving skills of others. According to the survey, 69 per cent of drivers said their own skills were excellent, 29 per cent rated themselves as fair to good, and two per cent said their own skills were poor. However, when asked about other drivers, those surveyed said only 20 per cent of B.C. drivers were excellent, while 33 per cent had poor driving skills.
I am the first to admit that math is not my strong suit, but these numbers just don’t add up. Could it be that some drivers are (gasp) overestimating their own abilities? Perhaps we should ask them all to parallel park and then judge for ourselves. I suspect that would give us a more accurate – and much more amusing – picture.
