In a sign that the anti-immigrant fears being stoked up by presidential candidate Donald Trump are finding a foothold north of the border, would-be Conservative party leader Kellie Veitch has asked “Should the Canadian government screen potential immigrants for anti-Canadian values as part of its normal screening for refugees and landed immigrants?”
A Forum Research poll shows that 87 per cent of Conservative supporters back this idea. Ms Leitch has not indicated who, precisely, would decide on these “anti-Canadian values”, or what those values would be; so in the spirit of helpfulness, I step forward with a few suggestions for any questionnaire that is prepared.
What is your favourite place to purchase coffee? a) Timmie’s, baby! I can taste that double-double now. b) Starbucks; love that pumpkin spice latte. c) A family-owned, old-world-style bistro.
Which of these foods most appeals to you? a) A Montreal smoked meat sandwich accompanied by poutine. b) A hamburger, preferably from a fast-food restaurant. c) Something spicy, made with ingredients not readily available in North America.
Which beer would you prefer drinking? a) Molson Canadian, or Alexander Keiths. b) Budweiser, or perhaps Coors. c) Heineken, or maybe Dos Equis.
Which wine would you prefer drinking? a) A VQA wine from B.C. or Ontario. b) Something from Washington, Oregon, or California. c) South African wines are really coming along.
Which spirit would you choose? a) Canadian Club. b) Nothing beats Jack Daniels. c) Metaxa.
What is your favourite sport to watch? a) The good old hockey game; it’s the best game you can name. b) American football. c) European football!
Whose music would you prefer listening to? a) Bruce Cockburn. b) Bruce Springsteen. c) A strict interpretation of my religion says that listening to music is forbidden.
Which films would you most like to watch? a) Atanarjuat: The Fast Runner; The Grey Fox; Mon Oncle Antoine. b) Canadian Bacon; Cool Runnings; Niagara. c) Are there Canadian films?
When it comes to news, I prefer: a) A neutral source that favours neither side, but simply presents the facts. b) A source that is unashamedly partisan. c) Whatever the government decides is appropriate.
What would be your choice of animal to symbolize a country? a) The industrious beaver. b) The majestic bald eagle. c) The mighty Russian bear.
The flag of my preferred country would display: a) Something botanical; it’s educational. b) A visual representation of my country’s make-up; it’s educational. c) Whatever symbol the government deems appropriate.
One’s religious views should be: a) A personal and private matter. b) Freely but strongly held, and shared with everyone else regardless of whether or not they want to hear about it. c) Dictated by the state.
If you answered mostly a): Congratulations, and welcome to/bienvenue au Canada! If you answered mostly b): You might want to do a little more research. If you answered mostly c): Nice try, and good luck/bonne chance elsewhere.